Pretend.

there is a sadness that I embrace as I go about my day
nothing too serious too defeating or "guillotining" 
just a drag
the joy is gone
the stars shine for no one
how can 3 feel like 4? 
I have to pretend to want to be here now.
And it feels damp. low. fake. 
I am trying to reclaim my space but
the more I do, the more he is gone. 
Behind the now
the soft snow falls for no reason now. 
I love my kids more than anything. 
I have to pretend even more. 
at

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