flurry

you trembled on a simple branch
and then came down cold flurry
cast off again, the wind your friend
you left without a worry

the day was dark and without heart
you made a turn to see
what willows wandered in shrouds tangled
leafless, breathless, free

arms

was that a hatch last night or an energy attack?
does mother penetrate the night?
catholic guilt stain
she walks in
and yet child, a child in her arms,
I want in my arms.

As the Crow Flies

Do things only get more insidious, more beastly in the dusting
copper glow of life's evening- the valley chews mist and colour and ghost-light
to path out the distance and manner the crow flies

Tomorrow

Don't forget the feeling
Carving out the roads like nothing was tomorrow
Rolling when and where the wind blows
Sometimes it felt like we were dreaming

And tomorrow is another day
Another soft minute of your company, my heart,
Yearning for more roads when you depart
Nothing apart existing when you stay

getting old

old rag doll

heavy legged stepping like a giant, a dinosaur, getting tired.
misogyny themes by, as you skate on ahead in anger.
it all feels like stairs now. pillow and covers calling.

leave

there's a bright light in the shadows.
you're loose amongst the wind and leaves and if I can reach you...
you are nothing but a colour, a sun shed glow at a certain time of day
but now I have lost you
the shadows I stay in are dry, can't you see.

there is nothing to me anymore,
so I ask you to leave.

the floor

the floor had ashes,
felt turned inside out

edges eye shadow, threaten
those Vancouver alleyways
as musicians and dump trucks struggle to line up,
pack up and out.
crying children come out the pores,
eyes turn down at thieves, whores,
beggars begging high from the lunchtime crowds

Now, in the wake of it all

Where are you now that the sun is coming up
Where'v you gone? I need you now
Back to someone new, someone to work through,
chip away the black edges of burnt to get back to you
where are you now? when I need you

These trees are blown
these roads are spent
tell me I've shown
nothing more than what I had before-
Tell me I'm nothing new, nothing to work for-
I need to hear it
something to stake and show
in the wake of it all

Grind

Feel like crumbling,
buckling      under the weight of this cement shroud of feeling
the heavy won't go away
want to reside here for a while
shallow up head to rock and rest here
for a while

Yearning

Sick sick sick of your shit I'm stuttering mad, babe
I'm raving sad, babe. I'm making my move
Stuck stuck stuck oh fuck fuck fuck
I wanna go back,
I wanna dream, float on
to when things were simple
but loving
and there wasn't even room for more
there wasn't a yearning for anything more

tree

colour streams out in Christmas wire, all rosy and red
have you but knowledge to shed on this
masterful sanctuary
wood floor, leather couch, rug and tree. sacrificed here on this
family alter of happy and mad and tiny
oh man, the things this tree has seen
in its throws of death. it breathed its last fragrant breath upon
my house.
Gratitude, tree, nothing but gratitude

Buckets

Buckets full of human
each of us gazing upon the dream from a different angle

broken off

All of us the same meagre person
grasping at the same nothingness
illusion

All birth and deathlike conclusions
remembering the past with rings, towels, photos
rotating over again and again each morning, spring and funeral

but the ocean

the
ocean

The yearning, churning, howard sterning
Godliness of all.

I am not a person, nor judgejury

Clutching idols, traffic circles life's written plan

We left it all behind.

20 Lessons I Have Learned Lately

1. This universe is all a dream. It does not exist.
2. Everything in this universe is a projection of guilt from the separation from Spirit.
3. Let go of all judgement, big and small. It is all the same. 
4. Judging others is like judging oneself; we are all one. Anyone or anything that conjures negative emotion is a symbol. Observe, forgive/love.
5. Truth is changeless. Truth is Source. Source is God. God is Love. 
6. Working towards enlightenment in one life, can help previous lives. 
7. Life is holographic, happening all at once. You choose your own adventure in life. Do not feel guilty for anything along the way. Forgive OJ. Forgive Osama. Forgive Hitler. Forgive yourself.
8. I am God. I am That I am. 
9. This universe sucks huge balls compared to returning home to the Spirit Source. And, we never left. 
10. There is only one mind, we think we are individual but we are just observing life from a unique perspective of a broken mirror. Everything you see, every situation you face, is a projection of guilt over separation from God. Love. Truth. 
11. Life is symbolic. Form is symbolic. Start listening to Spirit, and watch the symbols of this dreamscape of form.
12. Jesus was a dude who was terribly misunderstood. His enlightenment was magnetic. The Holy Spirit was all he could hear. 
13. Christianity and Hinduism originated with non-dualism but the "spirit" was interpreted incorrectly. 
14. No one needs forgiveness. No one has done anything requiring forgiveness. This is all a dream, you will do what you will with it. One day you will shed this body and enter another dream. 
15. Enlightenment can happen in this lifetime. We will all get there in the end. 
16. Heaven on earth sounds wonderful- ask for help, spirit guides, love guides. 
17. There are only two things driving this universe. Fear and Love. Love exists forever. Fear and this universe do not exist. 
18. Walking into a room and observing something, changes it. 
19. Under hypnotism, the hypnotist can "burn" your skin with a pencil when your mind tells you it is a cigar. When your mind tells you it is a pencil and really it's the cigar, your skin does not burn. Mind and feelings control the universe around you. Your attitude matters.
20. None of "this" is real- find truth. Concentrate on love every minute of every day. Forgive everyone, forgive myself. Don't be judgey. Die to the past. 

At Once

I'm just another batch of skin and brains, bones trudging alone
when suddenly,

I am one and none and everything, at once.

The Glory

A Horrid

Galla be gone
lawyered up and beyond
able to stay far from the fray 

away from the highway
unlikely to ever crack 

threw the seem-less and the meaningless, the moreover.
Are you a red rover?
Are you incomplete? Incompetent? Imbecile?
Are you in the moment, 

or the horrid flashes you keep?

I think I've said this before

I have nothing

nothing from the flames of this damn world

not even a reader
not a...
nothing
not a fucking thing
fucking nothing
mangling all I have ever thought of myself in one foul slit
I ache in regret
I think I've said this before 

how did I get here

wreck

I have never been this close to wreckage,
my world clock crumbles with a slow tick tock
stretched, thin like saran, again and again
can you see where I am? Wrapped around stress? 
Stuttering drunk on the brink of breakdown? 
Tears seem too all self fucking pity for this. 
It all deserves a better ending. 
A chapter heading, a movie title, an obituary. 
You see train wrecks coming. The worst part. 

Tired One

Wake, wake, my tired one
The plane tips down, sheds off the sun
Dream and dream and dream my son
Time to land a giant one

Yawning shells, folds of skin
Where, where should I begin
The world turns quick, fast like sin
Night lets go as day sets in

Cities

These women ramble about, proud of their savoury bravery,
Balaclava'd men fill their pouches-
Danger on the streets of Vancouver-
Hallows cringe in the plywood,
Scrawled with signatures of morning shine.
Cities are dangerous. I need to stay away.

Downtrodden

the downtrodden are intensely attached to love eachother
piles of hair bob around the meth'd out face
she cries, insisting he hold the child goodbye
who cries, his parents a trap of sad

Reoccur

I have warm, wet, tense hands in my dream,
my teeth fall out,
The world is a steep set of stairs I perpetually crawl

I am running from you
You are gaining on me,

gathering space in nightmare folds,

(my voice doesn't work, I am stroking)!

I remember,
I can fly the fuck out of here,
So I rise up, up, and it's usually a grey night with little light,
And sometimes I see city tops, wires,
Mountains and fields,
Willpower is my helium, rising higher,
I travel where brief thoughts place my path-

Then apprehension grows, I sense the height in fear,
Decide,  getting too high,
Better fly downward,
Land away from the boogey man...

I can't fly down! I fall instead.
Gaining speed in a
free
fall

I land awake, dead, kicking alive.

This dream happens all the time.

soft cloth (I am crying for the death of my grandma)

i almost cried, touching it.

so

soft

and

light

it practically shivered through my hands
almost fell to the floor
could have been silk or spider's web, agate or ave maria

light came through the seams.

I've got to go way

it's cold out here

this new coffin feels old,

my bed just feels all lumpy, cold

my satin all stained with mold

Pieces

­­Contain this skeleton

For a while

Nurses laugh easily

with death beneath the nails

they deserve the good times

when they can ignore what is laid out

in room upon room before them

smelling like plastic, age and excrement

I hate hospitals

Bus

Carry me home,
head lights mountain bound-
No one cares about the highway,
No one cares to talk-
Moments between stops plow below the tires, where coming and going collides,
There are worse moments than this.

Ugly drunk    dumb mean    mahem chatter

Almost right at Osborne

Remember the crack head ran back to tell me what book vonnegut wrote- remember that- the glory. 

The bond. 

People fly thru to me in my comfortable seat- 

let's all pretend we cannot talk now and enjoy ultimate silence- 

absolve oneself- this is an important moment- 

no pen to paper but a moment none the less.

Fight Night

sidewalks treaded in gray
madness like mist in the air- like a heavy froth -
garbage collects in the grate-
morning smells like fight, challenge, shadow, wet,
no one should wake (sleep this all away!)
no one should walk to work (this smell offends)

human containers drifting in the air, senseless mess.

senseless mess this is. 

Sunday

Sunday woke up hard, 

there wasn't much to do, 

I tried to crave the day, 

but clung in bed to you. 

Hey ya, hey ya

My boyfriends back. 

Perspective

Can I hate humankind any more than I do today? I don't think it's possible. I've never seen red, literally. I've sensed the glow though, and felt the explosive fist stomping anger that pushes your limbs and words in all sorts of directions. Fate, it's something that needed to happen. 


Let's find perspective, shall we:

1. BP Oil spill
2. War in Afghanistan
3. Greece
4. Popes defending child molestation
5. Haiti
6. Thailand erupting in chaos
7. Mexico and the cartel underskin
8. My money, credit cards and id get stolen

Ok, maybe I can stop caring now.

Cry to feel the Crying Part 2

Cry baby cry
I feel you in the fall
cry, cry my sweet
you echo in the hall

Time, you needed time
so I've strolled with Grief away
Arm in arm, harm in harm
Tumbling day-to-day

Cry baby cry
there's no use in even trying
echos of sobs echo
you cry to feel the crying

today

hated today- it came upon me quickly, relentless and hard- work work work, play sleep, work work work... such a shitty way to go about life. Really.

Cry to feel the Crying

Fighting back the tears for fighting

manic messes through me,

I can't feel your thoughts at all

I'm dying to feel the crying

Birds don't chirp at all today

and skies don't stretch like blue-

oceans don't fill a thing

I can't say bye to you-

Treat me like a bowl of seashells

Your scent in my clothes

I swear your voice is here

on my skin, beneath my nails

Where why where why

can't I stay with you

where did the days go, the nights!

Cry to feel the crying, nothing without you.

Ward

Girlfriends dripping off his arm

Blood coughs up raw and warm

You lean across the cold cement

Your eyes sag dull, sad and spent

The lovely ladies cackle hard

Point you out, describe your ward

Graffiti stretches out their glare

Fuck You's flutter through their hair

Forest Fire

Anguish

Million eyes
Million eyes
of the
bewildered
creatures who expire
in the forest fire

Beneath My Folly

Crumbling beneath it all
You trample me, stamp on my head
I have disaster written all over me...
Dishonoured
unDiscovered
Disowned-
A blistering foot, wrist
A heaving chest of tears
Let me ring, let me sing
Let me reserve you for the race
Rescue mankind, will you please,
Dead beneath my folly

Welcome

to Crowdogg- a blog to sort out writing in a trunk... and to write a little more.